I have a confession to make

I am a professional behaviourist, but for a long time my own dog was “reactive.”

For far too long, I felt a deep shame about this. I felt like I had failed him, and I imagined everyone was judging us—and let’s face it, they probably were! Even though I understood the science and knew his history of anxiety, trauma and pain, the shame felt real.

Looking back, part of the problem was that when he was a youngster, I wasn’t a behaviourist yet. I tried to solve our issues using free online resources. While some are excellent, the algorithms and clever marketing make it nearly impossible to filter out the noise. Even among the “good” resources, finding the tiny sub-category that worked for my specific dog was overwhelming. I ended up jumping from one idea to the next in total incoherence until I completely froze—stuck, frustrated, and sad. I didn’t need generic tips; I needed personalized help.

The truth is, social media has reduced dog training to a glamorous, step-by-step illusion. It implies that true behavioural change can happen overnight if you just do A, B, and C. This narrative feeds the shame myth, implying that if you’re still struggling, it’s your fault.

But real behaviour modification is complex.

It requires unpicking a web of genetics, environment, diet, relationships, and technique. Change is possible at any age, but it takes time and requires us to truly see the dog in front of us—not follow a 20-second Instagram reel.

Social media is designed to exploit our anxieties, using hooks and psychological tricks to feed us quick, over-simplified fixes when we are most emotionally vulnerable.

If your dog is struggling, their behaviour is driven by internal emotions that don’t feel good. Before layering on training protocols, you must address those underlying feelings. Here is how you actually start:

• Meet deeper needs: Prioritize safety, mental stimulation, and species-specific outlets like sniffing and chewing.
• Stop programme-hopping: Find a qualified professional who resonates with you and stick with them so your dog’s brain can actually build new neural pathways.
• Focus on the relationship: When your dog feels safe, they will finally relax and learning can go forward.
• Bring back play: True play releases feel-good hormones and is biologically mutually exclusive to fear and rage.

If you are struggling, I would suggest you silence the social media noise. Commit to a personalized process that honours the dog in front of you. It will save your sanity, and your dog will feel so much better for it.